Touch is one of the main senses we use to explore the world with and to convey emotions. There has been a lot of research into the effect of babies in a sensory deprived situation and the importance of touching and cuddling is very clear: without it loneliness and separation anxiety sets in. We are social creatures, plain and simple, and without it we wither away.
As we rush on in today’s modern world, physical meets are often switched out by text messages or skyping, and we are often way too overworked to be able to pay attention to people in need of connection, especially the older generation. Social isolation is a big source of suffering all around the western world. Touch has also been demonized to an extent, it has been given a label for danger – in a time where Santa cannot hold a child innocently without it being deemed dangerous we know we have entered a dark age as far as human connections go.
While the research is clear, the message is slow to trickle down into our everyday.
Lack of touch hurts us both physically and mentally: it has been related to cardiovascular diseases, depression, shorter life span, and decline of mental abilities. In my experience, and it is a sad fact, it is not only older people that seem to struggle, but people who are in relationships are just as affected. I think we have just stopped understanding the starving need for the intimacy and love that is offered through touch.
One wonderful movement that sprung up in many countries is the Cuddle Parties. First you spend an hour to learn about consent (I found that incredible, and it has taught me things I never considered before); you learn about different types of touch and are given the opportunity to practice asking for things or offering things. The party ends with a few hours of people enjoying a physical closeness and connection that is both innocent and healing. I never knew that big guys who are naturally always “big spoons” actually often wish to be held and be the “little spoon” for a while… I have visited quite a few events and the atmosphere was always wonderfully cosy and loving, not awkward, and the end result was a sort of euphoria, a wonderful natural high that lasted for days.
This type of physical contact is not something you can easily ask for in life, but thankfully there are a few other simple solutions available to help. Getting a pet, especially a cuddly one (fish are great but they don’t react well to hugging) is a great way to ease the feel of isolation. And massages are readily available when you need them and are all about touch.
During massages I can give every person the loving attention that should be our birth right, and through touch I often soothe not just the muscles but the soul as well. A massage covers most of the body too which is rarely available even in relationships. It activates the parasympathetic nervous system which lowers the stress hormones. It communicates a feeling of safety and care. The positives of a massage simply cannot be overstated; it is an outright necessity more than a luxury.
So please please consider the value of human touch in your life. Go see and hug your parents (by the way, a hug lasts for a minimum of 10 seconds and it needs to have feelings behind it. Anything less is just mimicking), cuddle with your kids as often as you can, and if you know someone who is alone, hold their hands a while.
You can literally save lives.